How much would you pay to fight half as much with your spouse?

A few months ago my wife and I went on a road trip together and bought an Audible book to kill time as we drove. Often on these road trips we will listen to our Highschool era rock music, or possibly a Dave Ramsey podcast, but this time we chose a marriage book called He Wins, She Wins. (Perhaps we knew we were needing it?) Since reading that book together, I would realistically estimate that my wife and I have fought about half as much.

One book… $9.99… Less than 4 hours of listening…. Half as many fights.

It’s honestly mind-boggling to think about. And here’s what’s frustrating. The information and principles in this book are nothing groundbreaking. I’m sure they have been mentioned in other ways or in other books or available through counselors to us all along. But we never accessed that information. And so for years, we trotted about in an unnecessary amount of conflict because we never learned the right skills.

What did we learn in that book He Wins, She Wins? Well, this blog post isn’t a book review. There are already many book reviews and summaries on this book written all over the web. In fact here is a good one if you’re really interested. (But you could really just buy the book. Its only a 4 hour listen on Audible, and even shorter if you increase the narration speed.)

This blog post is about realizing the potential that lies just around the corner in your life.

  • When’s the last time you learned something that changed your life?
  • What if there is something you could learn that would bring new understanding and insight into your own personality and make-up?
  • Could it be possible that there is something to learn about diet or health that will give you more energy every day for the rest of your life?
  • Is there some biblical wisdom or leadership principle that could save you from foolish and expensive mistakes?
  • What would you do to be able to completely avoid the next emotional breakdown that you or someone in your family is going to go through?
  • What if you could just hit skip, on the next fight you would have with your spouse? TRUST ME, as someone who unfortunately tends to get in fights with their wife while on VACATION, that is a very enticing concept.

I know you’ve picked up a lot of things casually as you’ve gone about living your life, and you certainly have enough to get by. But what if you’ve been living in an unnecessary amount of struggle? And what if there was something you could learn that could launch you with a trajectory unknown to you before?

I hope I don’t sound overdramatic, but the truth is that there are truths like this available to us. There is something you could learn tomorrow which could drastically alter your quality of life. Will reading He Wins, She Wins with your spouse eliminate half your marriage fights? Maybe. But I’m sure you have your own unique blend of conflict just like I do. I do know, however, that there are some truths and nuggets of wisdom somewhere that will drastically help your relationship. or your communication skills. or your love life. or your mental and emotional health. or your whatever. It’s all out there.

I titled this blog “How much would you pay to fight half as much with your spouse?” And it’s interesting to think of it in monetary terms. I mean I probably would pay probably ever dollar I have saved now to erase half the fights I’ll have over the future decades of my marriage. I’m not sure my wife would agree to that though, and that’s probably something we would fight about! I realize this article is a little bit of silly a question because these kind of things are hard to place a dollar value on, but I’d imagine that many of us would pay more than we would care to admit.

But the reality is, that the cost is just intentionality.

You can’t even say the cost is energy and effort because you are already giving exerting yourself into the all of your daily life struggles. Instead, the cost for growth like this is being intentional with where you are placing your labor. Focus your energy and effort to learn from the experts through whichever platform you have access to. Focusing your effort intentionally is how you can get better outcomes for less struggle. Oh, and the cost might also be 9.99 for a new book.

Seems worth it to me.

Be intentional with your growth. Buy a new book, set some goals, listen to a few podcasts. Come back and share what you learned!


What is something you’ve learned that changed your life? Share and comment your “life changing epiphany” below.


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